Today I was meddling around with a text I am preparing on mental health and sex work mostly for a client perspective on it and realized, again, that going out again is not that far in the books.

I am going to be honest. There was a point in the pandemic where I didn’t care much. All I did was watching series and playing videogames while in pajamas all day. I left Twitter for a long time with no updates or new pics, I forgot about me having this blog. I didn’t have enough mental energy to write anymore. And when the route towards exiting lockdown was announced I had a little wake up call. It was like “hey, you’re going to be able to touch people again after a year”. But it felt unreal for a while so the apathy still lasted.

This weekend I finally realized that it is happening. The end of it it’s starting to happen! And then… oh no. I abandoned my blog, my Twitter, my people. I stopped replying emails for so long, I felt bad. But I was happy to see some people didn’t forget about me and wanted to know when I was going out again. That put me on track back again.

The future is still quite uncertain, but there is indeed a difference between the last month and this one. There is a spark of hope in the horizon, so my plans begin to get shaped. I have been very cautious during the pandemic so don’t want to go from 0 to 100 just because, even if I want so.

This life changing event has indeed shifted my perception about time and how much we value it. I am sure I am not the only one thinking so, pretty much everyone around me is realizing how many things we did take for granted and how much are we going to value them from now on. I have tons of places noted down that I want to visit in London. I am eager to meet people again. I can’t wait to put a face to all the people I have met on Twitter this year.

But since I am cautious and prefer to be safe than sorry, I am controlling those impulses and trying to think more rationally. The guidelines state that until around May I cannot properly meet people indoors, so will probably think about going back to work around that time but can’t promise anything.

The other thing is that I also won’t be able to work at full capacity since the start. I am most probably limiting bookings to a max of two a month, one every two weeks at least. When numbers keep going down and more people are vaccinated I will be improving this and allowing more dates, but can’t know as of now when that will be. As much as I want to meet people again I have to be cautious. There will be future times to go wilder in this matter, I am sure. For now I am smiling more than last month, which is a really good thing I had missed a lot.


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