“I like you because you are natural, not like the other girls who are fake”.
If you are an escort marketing yourself as natural there is good chance you have heard this sentence at some point. Similarly if you enhance yourself you may have received unsolicited advice to “be more natural” or have been criticized for using make-up, high end lingerie, high heels, surgery or enhancing your nails.
If you are a client and have said this, I would like to show you where the problem is.
While it looks like a compliment, any positive comment that comes with “not like the others” at the end is terribly divisive. If you need to put others down to compliment someone you end up insulting people who may be friends with the person you intend to compliment and/or imply that those other things are objectively wrong, which does not make you look good. You have plenty of ways to tell someone what you love about them without needing to state how much you dislike other options that are equally valid too.
But why is the “natural” look so praised and why is there a need to find an enemy for it (i.e. the “fakeness”)?
When I started as an escort I assumed I had to use high heels, make-up, sexy lingerie and any other thing related to canonical standards of beauty. I was afraid because I bite my nails and they don’t look that good, but tried the rest. I was severely uncomfortable with heels and make-up. I can love some lingerie here and there but prefer to be the one designing it rather than wearing. I do love seeing other women rocking beautiful high end lingerie. I consider those art pieces and enhancers in the same way we have a coat, shirt or dress that makes us look and feel better in front of the mirror.
So months later ended up going for the natural route and found there is a fantastic niche for it. I felt relieved for not having to deal with what I thought were superficial people who expected me to be canonically perfect, but was surprised when I found the same type of people on the opposite side: guys who are so into the natural look that they end up being superficial in the same way as those who expect us to have perfect nails. It boils down again to controlling women’s appearance, no matter how good the intentions.
The natural appearance isn’t even well defined. If I shave my legs, my armpits sometimes and almost never my bush, am I still “all natural” or I am suddenly “partially natural”?
Even in the natural niche, some people still expect you to be “naturally perfect”. A canonical beauty but without using any enhancements. Just like that, magic and POOF, you’re perfect but since it’s not “artificial” then it’s good. Same shit with a different glitter wrapping. If you like a specific type of beauty, why is it a problem the way it was achieved? Some people don’t have the physical and/or mental health that extreme dieting and gym takes. Some of us simply can’t exercise that many times a week, or eat healthy every day. I have anxiety, almost on the verge of an eating disorder and some of my joints feel like those of an old person. There’s no “all natural” way for me to be canonically perfect, there will never be. But I could get the appearance I like other ways. Yet I feel paralyzed when I think about how I “should be natural” like if it is a golden rule I need to obey to be myself. I am still myself under a laser treatment that improves my skin (and makes it healthier by the way) and therefore improves my mental health in the long run.
That’s a conversation we are not having in public because everyone is expecting magic. We have to be effortlessly and naturally feminine and beautiful, effortlessly and naturally perfect. This ends up being another impossible to achieve canon in itself, which hurts our mental health. And I think there’s nothing more natural than being the healthiest you can be, even if that means getting a clinic appointment.Back