I have always had a deep interest in submission. When I started having my first sexual experiences I found myself aroused at the idea of being a man’s toy to play around with but unfortunately both me and my partners back then were very inexperienced thus I ended up suffering the consequences of badly understood BDSM. Society still has prejudiced views on this matter and many untrained people think that being a submissive means “letting the dom do anything they want to you”.

So I left those fantasies on my mind only, for years, until I got into escorting. At first I didn’t offer it because, same as my first partners, there was no guarantee that clients would be experienced at it. But I discovered a new feeling. Getting paid for sex and roleplaying in my mind did help. I toyed with the idea of having to be a servant for a brief time and postures like doggy helped me get the feeling. So far I am more of an ambience submissive rather than a hard play one. But lately I have started to appreciate spanking and wouldn’t say no to trying some other impact practices. I only need time and to start very softly.

But I also need, more than the softness, to feel completely comfortable and safe to explore my submissiveness. And this is where the dom plays a huge part. I have several fantasies in my mind, many of which are of a more advanced level than my current one. There is a huge gap between fantasy and reality. In fantasies we can control any outcome and they stop exactly when we need to. The other subjects act exactly as we desire down to the last detail, dirty word and single action. Meanwhile in reality you are dependent on the dominant part to know and respect your limits and be prepared for you not being comfortable at any given situation and needing to immediately stop. That means having to trust someone else and, essentially, giving away most of that control you can easily have on fantasies.

As any submissive escort I have my limits and expect doms to have theirs too. Yet lately I have been getting contacts from dominant clients who expect me to cater to a long list of practices, many of those requiring a great deal of trust in the person dominating, just because I offer submission. BDSM is about safety and trust the same it is about enjoying a roleplay. It cannot properly exist without the other two. If only one side in the room is having fun, then that is not BDSM.

Unfortunately while it’s very easy to find people who want to have fun being dominant, it’s way harder to find those who also seem to understand what safe words and aftercare are, and that limits are important and are not there “to be pushed” as part of the fun. I have had enough clients contacting me genuinely thinking that for me to fully embrace my submissiveness (whatever that means since I already am a submissive) I need to let them control and do whatever they want with no limits. This sort of ideas are the fastest way to get me to reject a date or leave an ongoing one without refunding.

I love playing a sub role inside the bedroom with all our limits clearly defined and being able to trust the dominant side in that I will be safe and cared for. But I don’t live a submissive lifestyle and therefore do not feel aroused with domination outside the bedroom, especially in the contact phase where the first impression heavily counts. Acting as a dom straight out in the first emails is a non-consensual way of showing me you do not care about me having limits (since we never discussed limits around acting dominant during contact) and that therefore you are risky to meet. It’s not going to get me horny, you won’t get me to desire being dominated by you. It will only result in the opposite.

What actually makes me wet my panties is a respectful dom who is looking to have as much fun as me as a sub, that proves it in the contact phase as well as in the date. Imagining that I can feel that trust for someone and that my gut instinct is just sitting there calmly while watching me getting spanked is great. Knowing that I am up for some consensual and desired punishment does arouse me. Please take as much care as the fun you expect to have.

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