I grew up with quite a posh father who despised anything outside the ordinary so my views on BDSM were clouded by prejudice early on. However I always found the full black leather dominatrix imagery quite interesting. Perhaps it was that it was indeed out of the ordinary, it was socially deemed as “only weird people do that” in my environment and it had to do with the sex world; which I found fascinating as, like many others my age, didn’t grow up with a comprehensive sex education around and had to find my own.

The fact that BDSM was sort of “socially forbidden” around me was what drove my curiosity to it even further and made me fantasize the first times about being submissive. At some point in my late 20s I assumed my role was only around submission. I did love seeing those dommes being badass and having incredible looks with those impossibly high heels and shiny latex outfits. It was not for me, but definitely a powerful image.

Around sexwork the most common imagery for dommes is black and red leather and/or latex, high heels or boots and a very serious resting bitch face. Not only I do not feel comfortable wearing red but also cannot help smiling at every little stupid thing. No one would take me seriously for a domme if I even tried. Or that is what I thought.

Although I never advertised myself as being into BDSM (out of not feeling professional enough about it) I got some requests for it through time. I declined the ones that felt too hard for me, but ventured into those that I thought I could do and actually enjoy. These included face sitting and foot worship most of the time but once I got a request to be a giantess and it was one of the best bookings of my life, have to say. I still remember to this day and will surely write about it in the future.

All this time I thought what subs wanted was to be whipped, canned or spanked and it took me time to realize that domination had plenty more things apart from that. I was also afraid of not being able to discern if a client was enjoying it or not, but those experiences around foot fetish and face sitting helped me see what clues you can find about someone enjoying a submissive role. Sometimes it is more about how you do it rather than what you do.

But the thing that helped me the most with was with the smiling problem. I call it a problem because that is what it was in my head. It actually is not. I genuinely thought subs would not want a domme that smiles and laughs and looks happy. I thought they wanted resting bitch faces all the time. I am pretty sure there are people who want that, for sure. But also discovered plenty of others who love a smiling domme. Last year I (virtually) met Cleo and saw she smiles pretty much in every pic. That was quite an inspiration!

However in my mind it was not fully settled and on my last photo shoot wanted to get some “domme pics” out. I did not like any of them. Uploaded a few to my gallery because I thought variety is good to have, but I am certainly looking to improve those in the future. I tried the resting bitch face. Definitely not for me.

Now I realize it did not make much sense because I am the same persona, Lilu. I am a switch and enjoy both sides. And I am having a blast exploring all these things I assumed were not for me before. One of my best friends, Fosca, is a great domme and I have always admired her. I find myself now fantasizing on us doing duos either with me as sub and her as domme or even both of us as dommes. A few months ago she was telling me how much she enjoyed the whip and the way in she described it made me eager to try. Me. A whip! I had never considered it. On the same league I have an interest in pegging now. With all these new things coming to the plate I am committed to properly learn them until I feel it’s safe enough to offer them on the regular.

And on a side final note, also realized that smiles and laugh can be powerful tools in a domming session. I fantasize with being that pastel pink coat lady with the puffy scarf that can hit you hard with a very, very big smile 🙂


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